1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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