i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
