I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
