There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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