You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
