so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
