areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
