the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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