doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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