Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
