just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
