i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
