hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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