birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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