If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
