why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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