4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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