Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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