the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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