Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
