you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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