I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
