when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
