she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
