I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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