If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
