Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize