I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
