my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
