Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i came on her dog
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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