Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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