dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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