Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
