I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
