sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
