I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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