She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
