I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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