Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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