nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
