But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
and you fell through a lawn chair
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
