Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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