My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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