508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
