is your mom at the bar?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
