Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
