Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
