Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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