Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
