Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
