Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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