she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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