I forgot how hot balto sounded
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
