Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
