Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
