Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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