I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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