it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
