I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
