Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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