Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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