Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize