I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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