yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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