I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
