You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
