im about as happy as oj after his trial
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
