would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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