if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
