I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
