I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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