I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize