My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
