my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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