it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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