he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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