I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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