I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
