i think i have two assholes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
