he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
