I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
