My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
