He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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