i was born a porn star she said
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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