Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How external is "for external use only"?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
