i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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