I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
