I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize