I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
