I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
