Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
