No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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